Oh this heavy heart is missing you around

This following seemed like an apt thought to describe the current and upcoming post grad life.

Post title from from My Live, My Love by Family and Friends, a lovely band I saw in Chicago last weekend.

Where the lights don't move and the colors don't fade

The southwest corner of Foster and Orrington. I hated that one corner during the wintertime. Those darn students renting that house never ever shoveled and it left a build up of ice looming in front of the sidewalk. Actually I preferred when it was frozen because then my feet didn’t get wet. Every single time I needed to go anywhere I had to cross that stretch of ice/slush. I'd do anything to avoid it, walking on the ice around it or crossing the street a good amount to avoid shoe damage.

Last week when I left my college apartment for the last time, I realized that the ice puddle wasn’t there anymore. It hadn’t been there for a long time. That one corner, the bane of my existence in the winter, had slowly returned to concrete and grass. Yet I hadn’t given it a second thought when the snow was melting. I’d forgotten to be thankful for the easy walking that warmer weather had brought.

Lying in bed in my old room. Post title from Stay Alive by José González.

I watched as the clouds began to part

I had a plant named Marzipan for a few months, but then it died. The plant looked nice against my green walls with all the maps and postcards and photographs. It sat on my desk where I sit and do homework and eat an inordinate amount of dark chocolate berries. My window is right next to my desk; it doesn't lock but it is often open, bringing air from the alleyway.

Last year at this time I slept in a red room filled with photos and antiques that weren't mine with a small window overlooking a garden. There was a table at the foot of my bed that displayed a train of small elephants. I would always knock the little one down by accident when I moved around the room in the morning, but it never broke.

I wonder what space I'll inhabit next year at this time.

Just some thoughts.








Photography by Kate Chausse and post title from Isaac by Bears Den.

Can you feel it under your skin?

Can we just talk about this weekend. So much goodness.

Friday, I went to The Happy Show at the Chicago Cultural Center.  It is free and runs until end of September, so if you are in Chicago, you must must go. I loved the simplicity and truth, and there were interactive elements as well, including riding a bicycle and free gum. Always a plus.

Saturday, my high school friend visited me and somehow scored two free One Direction tickets! We joined preteen girls screaming over five boys who were not all that enthusiastic about their songs and seemed slightly hungover and grumpy. However seeing my friend for a day and dancing was so much fun. It made me slightly jealous of these preteen girls who seem to have no worries in my eyes, but then I remembered they were in middle school and all jealousy vanished.

Sunday, I went to see the Oh Hellos. Let me tell you, the Oh Hellos are great live! Maybe the best I've ever seen. They danced, laughed, jumped, and seemed so genuinely enthusiastic and joyful to play music with each other. I would definitely see them again, and I've been listening to their songs on repeat all day at work. The Lament of Eustace Scrubb was amazing live. Oh man that energy. The post title is from Second Child, Restless Child.

So that was a high. After reading my friends' blogs about their summers in Athens, Greece and cross country biking, I gotta be proud of my little moments of excitement even if they pale in comparison :)

Both were climbing for a higher cause

Yesterday one of my friends performed in Millenium Park. Yeah that's right. I met up with some of my friends after their various internships and jobs to hang out and listen to some very odd music (I've never warmed up to electronic music). However it hit me that I really love these people. These talented intelligent kind people. Maybe it is being exhausted from work or getting a glimpse of what life after college is like that is bringing this on. But whatever it is, I have had the blessing to find people like me in college. People with whom I can have theological debates one minute and then joke around the next minute.  People with whom I can discuss the latest This American Life or the latest buzzfeed article. People who inspire me to write poetry and to watch Parks and Rec. People I admire.

I guess this first week of work has been a little overwhelming. But that's ok. I am happy to have another year to spend with people who know me so well before we go off into our different directions. Cause let's be honest, its really people that make life all the better sometimes.

Post title from Michicant by Bon Iver.

This mystery only leads to doubt

Today I get the keys to my new apartment! It is so odd that this now empty apartment will contain some of my future and final memories of college.

Enough sentiment. This lovely apartment belongs to a textile designer who lives in Brooklyn. Look at that bookcase. 

Post title from Say it To Me Now by Glen Hansard from the movie Once.

Find your smile now

Welp... it has been a week since my last post. I wanted to get in the habit of posting something three times a week, but then life happened. I had a week off after exams before my internship, and it was glorious.  That week was filled with boating in Door County, seeing the fam, watching movies, and wandering through farmers markets.

But now the daily grind begins. Today was my first day at my internship, which as we all know never is the best day ever. Meeting new people is scary, not knowing anything is awkward. By the end of the day I was cursing the rain for being relentless and myself for wearing heels. It only gets better from here, right?

Post title from Slow Your Breath Down by Future of Forestry.

Ode to junior year.

I am 
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
amazed
as any other
that
I have gotten
from there to
here

-Charles Bukowski

Everybody will be dancing when we're feeling all right

My friend, Chrissy, visited me from Texas this week! She was passing through Chicago by train on her way to Brooklyn for the summer. She writes a blog too, check it out :)

I tried my best to convince her that Chicago is the best, but the weather and the el did not help my case. However we did find a used bookstore, Bookman's Corner, which sold novels for $1.50! Now I'm armed with Joyce Carol Oates and Toni Morrison for the summer. We also went to Let Them Eat Chaos, a Second City show, and analyzed a couple that seemed to be there on a blind date. She hit up a few other places: the bean, Dollop Coffeeshop, the Art Institute, Molly's Cupcakes, and of course the lovely Northwestern campus.

She left last night for her 24 hour train to NYC. The picture below is how I imagine she sleeps on the train. She's pretty badass.

Post title from Doin' It Right by Daft Punk.

You be the match, imma be your fuse

At the end of the month I'm moving to a different apartment a block away. I'm living with four girls during senior year, and I am so excited. By the time we move in, we will have lived for a few months in a different country (France, Germany, Greece, Uganda, and Australia). We plan on placing maps of where we've lived on the walls of the living room. But that's all we got so far, so I've been looking at a lot of interior design blogs lately. Eefje de Coninck, one of my favorites, takes pictures of female artists' homes. I love the simplicity and color of these apartments (1, 2, 3). Well done.

Post title from Sure Thing by Miguel. So good.

You and me, we got our own sense of time

My best friend is studying abroad in Athens this summer. I've been keeping a list of the things she needs to bring back for me, like new sandals. We spent four days in Athens when we backpacked through Southern Europe together last August. I miss it a lot. I remember we could see the Acropolis from our hostel balcony. Yeah I know, I got the travel bug again. Whenever I think of moments in my short life of intense happiness or fear, many of them fall under that period of traveling. So I can't help sometimes wishing I was somewhere else sometimes (especially when exams are close).

I stumbled upon some beautiful photos from The Colors of Travel 2012 by The New York Times. Stoooop I want to go to there.

Enjoy your Friday! I'll be sleeping on the Warren Dunes tonight in Michigan, which is the closest thing I have to traveling these days... :)

Post title from Hannah Hunt by Vampire Weekend.

Montpellier, France

Turkey

Penang, Malaysia

  

Hyderabad, India

I'll be here til the colors fade

My friend and I have recently started a wordpress for writing (Waiting for an Echo). Basically we are trying to write more. My friend Jody is actually quite talented, so do check it out. Side note, reading and writing writing poetry is extremely therapeutic. Everyone should do it.

Hope you enjoy your Wednesday! I be wishing I was outside in this beautiful weather instead of writing this paper.

Post title from Sing Loud by Alpha Rev. They are great live. Beautiful art by Richard Leach.

She's up all night for good fun

Midterms are stressful.  Coffee is beautiful. Get Lucky by Daft Punk is glorious.

A collision of atoms that happens before your eyes

I recently received an amazing marketing summer internship.

I'll be workin' in the John Hancock building this summer.

What the what the what the what is life.

Looks like I be in Chi-town (or really Evanston) this summer again :) 

So between that and general springtime giddiness, I feel pretty darn good about life right now.

So it is hard to find motivation to do homework. 

I waste quite a lot of time.

This Time Wasting Experiment recounts how people actually spend their time. 

It pretty much sums up my weekend.

Post title from Bravado by Lorde. She is great.

 

Tell me how I dream

I spent spring break in Nashville on a service trip. And oh man was it good.  If you continue to sit and talk in the parked car after an eight hour car ride home and a whole week of living in one room, then you know it was a really good trip.

Now I have returned to real life. In order to get the peanut butter and pretzels out of my veins from spring break, I'm starting a 3-day cleanse with my friends tomorrow. Including no coffee. World beware.

Post title from Walls by Stars.

Don't think about the choices that you make

Some random life lessons I learned this quarter:

Light in August by William Faulkner is an amazing book. I have had moments of intense love and hatred for Faulkner. Mostly hatred.

The boys of 1D are so far removed from me, they can never let me down. Hence why I prefer them to reality. Except when Zayn possibly cheated on his girlfriend. That was a rough moment. I guess one can't be that beautiful without a few mishaps.

All you can eat sushi is dangerous. I should not order 15 roles and 7 appetizer between four people. I will feel sick, and I will find alternative ways to get rid of said sushi.

My hair cannot last for more than a day without washing, so please learn. I do not have the hair of Beyonce.

The best way to end the quarter is most definitely to have an impromptu dance party with my roommates.

I don't know how to cook. Have I had fruit this week? No. How many eggs have I had in the last three days? Way too many. And I don't even really like eggs.

There are a lot of things I hate about Texas. But there are also a lot of things I love about Texas. Like Friday Night Lights and my best friend from high school. She is beyond the coolest.

Winter quarter be gone. Nashville here I come :)


Post title from Landfill by Daughter. According to itunes, I have listened to this song 27 times this week.

You wish sunrise would never fall under

Currently I'm wearing socks I bought this week to avoid doing laundry, my bathroom hasn't been cleaned in two weeks, I'm a few novels behind in my homework, and I'm fairly certain people are having sex in the apartment above me right now. Must get away.


So let's go to Cape Town, South Africa. 


Post title from Go Do by Jónsi.

Tame the ghosts in my head

I was at dinner last weekend with some Northwestern students, talking about the joys of our university. And I realized something. Studying abroad in Paris is pretty great. A few weeks ago, I was feeling slightly lonely in Paris, annoyed with my inability to speak French and unsure what to do with this weird amount of free time I have. I kept thinking that I had to find activities and be busy all the time. But after rehashing about what life will be like when we return to real life, I got out of that kind of thinking real fast. I am quite enjoying this change of pace in Paris. Most definitely, I want to see my friends and family again, I really miss them. But the constant busyness, stress over internship applications, hours at the library, guilt after going out because you didn’t use that time to study, subconscious competition with your friends, waking up early on Saturday and Sunday to get homework done, freezing in that Chicago wind… I can do without.

When am I going to be in this situation where my grades don’t count, and I am in a beautiful city and close to so many other amazing cities? Probably never again. So I booked tickets to visit Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam for two extended weekends in November. I CANNOT WAIT. I am excited to stay in hostels again, meet random people, drink a healthy amount of course, and be a tourist :)

Post title from Lover's Eyes by Mumford & Sons.

It's best we both forget before we dwell on it

Some things I miss about the US.

To-go coffee.
Big showers.
Nice people.
Wearing sweatshirts in public.
Zoning out in class. Or really just understanding what is going on in class.
Feeling at home.


But then there are things in Paris I know I will miss when I return.

So many cafés.
Cheap crêpes.
Cheap wine.
Macarons.
The Seine.
Free museums.
Fast public transportation.
Attractive men who know how to dress.

Also if you have the time check out my new blog post for IES! It is about going to a class at the Sorbonne.

Post title from Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men.

The el and me

I had a realization today. I hate the el. A year ago, it was exciting. The idea was so great. But now the honeymoon period is over, but I have learned something valuable.

Let me better explain myself. Let me take you through the relationship between the el and me. Place yourself in my shoes for a moment.

At first you love it. It took you a good seven months after coming to college to finally ride it all by yourself. You don't even know the difference between the red and purple line. They are all the same. This naive romance continues for sometime.

And then you realize that sometimes the el will decide to stop for 10 minutes just for fun when you are already late to work.

Sometimes it will not be on time. Actually that is all the time.

Sometimes it will make sudden movements and you will spill coffee on your white shirt on the way to an interview. You hyperventilate.

Sometimes it will just decide to run express without telling you and skip your stop. You make up new curse words.

Sometimes it will be packed with loud smelly Cubs fans. When they all climb in at Addison, you fight the urge to punch them all.

Sometimes it will be on the opposite track with the wrong name on it. You are confused.

Sometimes it will not go north past Fullerton because of a fire. You have to find another way home by relying on impatient commuters, sassy cta workers, and minimal phone abilities.

Sometimes you underestimate the size of your bag and you get stuck on the turnstyle. You feel awkward.

Sometimes you will find yourself closer than comfortable to your fellow Chicagoans underground waiting to leave the station because of a reroute.  You are then met with angry Cubs fans who are waiting to get on. They are late for the game, and they don't say nice things to you.

Sometimes the one day you wear your heels to work, you don't find a seat on the el and you are rerouted and therefore gain a lovely extra hour to your already hour commute. Your feet hurt. A lot.

Sometimes you will lose your footing when the el stops, and you throw your phone unintentionally at someone.

Sometimes you make the poor decision of sitting behind someone who talks very loudly on the phone. You find yourself knowing way too much about their life and giving them advice in your head.

Sometimes you realize that if you put all the money you spent on the el in the last six months, you could probably go to Lollapalooza.

Sometimes you find yourself thinking the wise words of Kristen Wiig.

But then you realize that all this hate and anger means something. It means you are officially a Chicagoan. 

You are no longer a newcomer, a tourist. Even though you see greatness in public transportation, it is a struggle, and it will make you mad and impatient. 

It's like an abusive relationship. You get beat up, but you can't stay away. 

This anger gives you something in common with every other Chicagoan. You can officially say you are part of Chicago. 

You feel great pride. The el has made you angry, hurt, late to work, late to dinner, late to a lot of things. But it also made you part of the city.

By the way don't even get me started on Chicago buses...